Crisis in the Family

Crisis can be defined as danger and opportunity. The ABCX Model shows how a family deals with a crisis. "A" stands for the Actual event (What happened?). "B" stands for Behavioral responses (How do they react?). "C" stands for Cognitions (How does the family define the crisis?). "X" stands for eXperience. In a crisis the family turns to resources that they have and try to figure out how they can use those resources. Resources can be things such as: people (extended family and friends), education, religion/faith, money (savings), etc. Each family member may cope with a crisis differently and you just have to make sure that one family member isn't taking on all the stress or weight. A crisis is a chance for the family to learn and grow, that is why there is opportunity. A crisis shouldn't break down a family, but should bring them closer together, despite the challenges they are facing.

Marital Intimacy

Marital intimacy is a very special thing. Exclusive sexual intimacy makes sex more emotional and brings the couple closer together. Sex in marriage is very bonding. Husband and wife should be able to self-disclose during sex in a non-critical way. Communication is very important and that is why you must be able to feel safe, loved, and comfortable with your spouse. All that being said, marital intimacy is worth the wait because the more people you have sex with, the harder and harder it becomes to attach to someone because you lose trust in people more and more. My professor said, "You can never get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need can't satisfy you." This is true for a lot of things, but especially for sex. Sex can be a very special thing as long as it is with the right person, under the right circumstances (in marriage), at the right time.

Marriage Preparation

I titled my post this week "Marriage Preparation" because a lot of people these days are not truly planning for marriage and they just jump in, not really knowing what kind of commitment it is. Marriage preparation starts all the way back in the dating phase. People usually move from dating to proposal to marriage. The way it should go is this: dating, courtship, engagement, and then marriage. Too often we see that men are not courting women anymore. They assume that because you are boyfriend and girlfriend that they don't need to ask to court you, but when they do ask it shows a lot of respect for the girl and also for her family. When it comes to proposals guys think they have to go all out, which is kind of true, but not in the general sense. A proposal should be intimate, something you two share together, and it should be done in a way that is meaningful to you both. Engagements are the perfect time for couples to really start planning for marriage and making decisions together. Make sure you talk about important and hard things with your fiancee because that is how you'll know if you guys can work together as a team. Marriage becomes much easier when you can count on your spouse and make the right decisions together.

What is Love?

This week I learned that there are four main types of love: storge, phillia, agape, and eros. Storge is a parent-child love. Phillia is a friendship love. Agape is the kind of love where you care for the well-being of others, whether you know them or not. Eros is passionate love, one you would have for a significant other. When it comes to relationships, there is a model that John Van Epp came up with to show attachment. There are five categories: knowing the person, trusting the person, relying on the person, committing to the person, and touching the person. The  beginning category should be the highest and then gradually descend through the others. It makes sense because one wouldn't trust someone before they know them, rely on them before they trust them, commit to someone they don't rely on, and touch someone they aren't committed to. People begin to have issues in their relationships when they commit too early or touch too early. It is important to go through the steps, really get to know someone, and then go from there.

Is gender a big deal?

Boys and girls each have their own gender roles. Girls tend to be more compassionate and better listeners while boys tend to be more active and rowdy. If some children don't fall under these gender roles it doesn't mean they are weird or gay. It just means that they are different. What girl wouldn't want a guy who tends to be more compassionate or a good listener? And what guy wouldn't want a girl who can play sports or act like "one of the guys?" I believe gender roles are developed a lot by example. Girls and boys have predispositions but they also learn certain characteristics from their parents. Parents don't need to freak out if their boy picks up a doll or their girl picks up a toy car. Jumping to conclusions doesn't do anything. Just be a good parent and love your children.

Culture and Class

This week I learned how class and culture affect the family unit. Class and culture shape how families live and operate together. Money can affect the closeness of family members. Not to say that rich families aren't close, but I feel like families who have more money tend to be more independent. On the other hand, families with less money are more humble and tend to rely on each other more. Culture also affects the family. Some cultures value family time and family closeness, while others value independence. I think it is very important that no matter what culture and class you belong to, that you make family a priority. I know that in my own life I have been blessed to have a close family and I would not have it ant other way.

Exchange Theory

I learned this week that there are four theories to explain why people interact the way they do. The theory that stuck out to me the most was exchange theory. This theory states that we as people weigh the pros and cons of each relationship we develop. We often ask ourselves, "What do I get out of this?" If we realize that the negative aspects outweight the rewards of the relationship, we tend to withdraw. This got me thinking that we as people are pretty selfish. The question we need to be asking is, "What can I put into the relationship to make it better?" Obviously there are some relationships that are just really unhealthy and they aren't worth saving, but what about the relationships that we just give up on because we don't have time? I think this is a great time to evaluate the relationships in my life and examine what I'm doing to make them grow and flourish. I think that is very important to do if I want to have long-lasting relationships.